Book Review: Little Earthquakes

by Christina G on June 27, 2009 · 1 comment

in Books

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I’m not really a chick-lit fan, but when this book came up on offer in our reading group, something about it clicked with me and I decided to give it a try.  Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner is about four new moms adjusting to life with newborns.

I loved that the moms were dedicated to breastfeeding and had a tough time getting started.  Breastfeeding is difficult at first and nobody seems to want to tell pregnant women this.  I remember thinking that I would just know what to do when the baby was there and everything would be perfect.  Wrong.  This book doesn’t perpetuate that myth.  The women struggle and are ultimately successful.  There is also baby-wearing by several of the characters and one co-sleeps.

The moms struggle with what it means to be a mom, and with the readjustment needed when your family goes from two to three, and how that can grow (or cause difficulties with) your relationship with your spouse.  While none of their lives were wholly realistic (this is chick-lit, afterall), I found aspects of all their lives that I could relate to, or knew people who were in similar situations.

It’s not great literature, but I found it to be an entertaining, quick, summer read.  I enjoyed it so much I immediately ordered Jennifer Weiner’s first novel, Good in Bed, about a plus-size woman whose ex-boyfriend starts writing a column for a women’s magazine about his sex life with a “larger” woman.  I was disappointed, it was really far-fetched, but fans of chick-lit may like it.

Do you have any suggestions of a good novel involving parenting?

A warning for some readers, there are situations in the book that some people may not want to read about…*SPOILER ALERT*…the death of a child and infidelity by a spouse.

{ 1 comment }

Helping my little one off the nappies…

by Janda on June 15, 2009 · 5 comments

in Personal care

I have been thinking long and hard about posting about this very delicate subject. It works different for everyone. It took us now just over two months to get to the point where I can say with reasonable confidence that we have made it! Our daughter not only wear no nappies during the day, but she also has minimal little accidents. She still wear nappies during the night, though, and may be wearing them at night for a little while longer.

My daughter is just over 30 months old now and goes to daycare three mornings a week. In September she will start going to Kindergarten every morning. She has to be dry and clean by then. This is one of my Kindergarten’s rules.

So, when the daycare said; just before Easter weekend; that they would start taking the nappy off once she gets there in the mornings, after Easter, we decided to take the challenge up ourselves! I ordered a book called Potty Training in one week by a British Childcare Author called Gina Ford. Now, I have to be honest and say that I did actually think that we could do it in one week! My husband was to be home from the Thursday through to the Monday, with my daughter home from the Wednesday afternoon through to the Tuesday evening after… We read the book and I thought and still think it is a good guide.

Gina Ford gives advice to start thinking of toilet training a toddler once they are 18 months old. She does state not to start before they show the signs and levels of ability that would indicate if the toddler is ready for potty/toilet training. These are:

  1. He/she is over 18 months of age
  2. His/her nappy is often dry when he/she gets up from a nap or when the nappy stays dry for a couple of hours.
  3. He/she is aware when doing a poo. Look out for things like a toddler going very quiet or starting to concentrate on nothing definite; pointing to his/her nappy or says poo or pee pee once he/she has done it.
  4. He/she can understand and follow simple instructions.
  5. He/she is eager to participate in taking off his/her own clothes and understands what pulling up or down means.
  6. Can point to body parts when you name them.
  7. He/she has the ability to sit still and occupy him-/herself for 5 to ten minutes with a toy, book or a video.

Gina say to not start training if your toddler does not show all these signs. Also, don’t start training your toddler if you are moving within a few weeks or having another baby or if any life changing things may happen in your household.  And do not potty train your toddler on holiday!

Furthermore  Gina Ford advices to put time apart for specifically training your toddler and not having any other obligations or commitments. To limit outings at least the first few days and to try not to use the telephone.

This is why we decided to potty train our daughter straight away. She showed all the signs and it was summer so we thaught she would not get too cold if she was wet and it would be less clothes to wash! Less layers to pull up and down for her also. As number two is on the way it would also be a good idea to get our daughter trained well in advance of the baby being born and her starting kindergarten.

We got the potty, we got the toilet seat and I also found Gina Ford’s advice on getting some other things ready very helpful. These were:

  1. Two potties, that is if you have two bathrooms… Keep them handy and you don’t have to rush around… (Get your toddler to pick them)
  2. Child’s toilet seat. These are designed to fit onto normal toilet seats but makes the set smaller for little bottoms… (I once forgot to put the seat on the toilet for my daughter… poor girl sunk well down into the toilet bowl! She was ok and dry, but I felt really bad about it but happy that I had just cleaned the toilet!)
  3. A Cushion covered with a polythene bag and then a removable cover (I used a old folded towel) to use in the pushchair or car seat or when every you are going out… In case of accidents! Gina says that if you make it a special cushion, the child is less likely to think of it as a safety net and more likely to try to keep it dry… Well, my daughter never needed it until now…
  4. Eight pairs of underpants and shorts - basically eight changes of clothes - per day!!! Elasticated is best and wide enough for toddler hands to pull down. Gina advises not using pull-up nappies as this may confuse toddlers… So I went for the eight pairs… Remember to only use easy clothing too. No vests with poppers or dungarees or trousers with belts! Speed in taking clothes off is important!
  5. Books, video’s, stickers, small toys. Anything that you can keep together and that would occupy your child for a length of time. I found that things my daughter has not seen or played with for a while was better. Keeping these away and offering one item at a time is good too. My daughter got confused if she had too much at a time so she lost interest all together.
  6. A star chart. A star for a use of the potty and a big star for several times because your toddler is so clever… This did not interest my daughter at all! We had to use a different method for making her feel she had done something special… More about this later.
  7. Face cloths for drying small hands on. This is easier for toddlers to use. If they are printed with cartoons or something your toddler like, even better.
  8. A Booster step to help short legs reach the loo seat. Be careful choosing this. I got just the first one I could find, but it was far from high enough! My daughter is quite tall and I would not say our toilet is high, but she could not reach! In the end I gave her the ”Tummy Tub Two step stool” I had gotten together with the “Tummy Tub” for baby number two. This works perfect as it even has two heights. She likes it for its bright design and it has storage for a special toy…
  9. Two buckets. One for wet clothes - filled with cold, soapy water. The other filled with lukewarm water and a bit of mild disinfectant to clean any misses.
  10. A towel kept under the potty and around the potty was useful to me.
  11. I kept several pieces of cloth available to dry up any misses.
  12. Wet wipes, baby wipes or even better flush able toilet wipes designed for toddlers as well as facial tissues for wiping little bottoms.

We started with taking our daughter with us to the loo and letting her sit on the potty with her clothes and nappy on. We allowed her to watch as we demonstrated what happens and we described what we did. We used simple language, not using complicated words. It helped using words other people use too and that she may have heard before.

Then we started showing her what wet and dry was. Letting her play with wet and dry clothes and telling her when she was making a cloth wet with water etc. Just chatting to our daughter when we were doing every day things like washing and drying our hands helped.

It didn’t take our daughter long to understand these things. She quickly wanted her nappy off when sitting on the potty. Although nothing happened most of the times, we moved on to stage two - this is when the long weekend started and my husband was at home so he could help.

On day one we just let her run around in one room. She didn’t much want to wear any clothes and we let her run around without. We kept all her favourites together and kept her occupied in the same room. This helped us not to have to run around too much with buckets and potties etc. We kind of got a little area ready for the potty with everything around it. A little throne room!!! We kept drinks at hand to give her at regular intervals.

We kept asking her if she wanted to sit on the potty and took her to the potty every 10 minutes. Sometimes she used it straight away and we made a big fuss about her being such a big girl and using the potty. Sometimes it took 10 minutes and other times she would sit there for ten minutes and get up just to wet the floor… We never got angry at her for missing the potty or getting to it too late. We never made what she did look dirty or disgusting. We tried to make her feel proud of it. Never said it was smelly or horrible. It is important not to make little ones feel they are doing something that isn’t acceptable. Using insensitive words or actions could put a toddler off using the potty.

By late in the afternoon we felt quite tired and felt that we could just not continue and needed to get fresh air. We put a nappy on our daughter and took her to the park, quite against Gina Ford’s advice of not giving up half way through as it could confuse a little toddler. As it happened, she stayed dry all the time and we got a breather.

On day two we started again. We got everything together and started giving our daughter stars for every triumph. Soon we realised she could just not be bothered by the stars, however shiny and bright they were! She started “acting out” when we took her to the potty so we read the “troubleshooting” part of the book and decided to give her a small treat for every triumph… quite against our nature… We do not believe in teaching our daughter that she would get something for being good or doing something we want her to do. This worked. Later she asked for the treat and we said only if she used the potty. Then she would ask for the treat afterwards and once she was using the potty most of the times, the treats simply ran out! This only worked because she was not used to getting treats as a normal part of her day. She really was not used to sweet treats…

By day 3 we could see a definate positive turn. Our Daughter started using the potty at regular intervals with us just reminding her to use it if she needed it. At the end of the day she was very red in the face when she forgot to go to the potty and had wet herself. Throughout training our daughter to use the potty, we would take turns at taking breaks so that neither of us got too tired or disheartened by accidents.

When it was time to go back to childcare on the Wednesday, we didn’t put a nappy on our daughter. We had put the towel in the buggy for her to sit on and it was dry by the time we got to the daycare. There they kept her out of a nappy and she was dry all day.

Since then we always kept a change of clothes and wet wipes as well as a plastic bag on hand. Sometimes we needed two changes until we got to the point of rare accidents. It was more the poo that she had a hard time with. It felt as if she just did not understand the way it had to happen. My daughter kept doing it in her pants. Not on purpose but just because she just did not understand that she had to work to get it done sometimes. She did not understand that she had to push. Maybe she was a little constipated too. So we kept an eye on her when she got quiet and when it was due to happen and took her to the toilet. Most of the times, she would sit there and get up, not doing it. Sometimes she would run to the toilet just to pass wind. Then she realised that nothing really happened… Sometimes it took two days or longer for her to have a poo. I got worried and even thaught of putting her back into nappies to see if it would help. It may in some cases help. We gave her more fruit and fibre. We limited dried apples and bananas as well as any refined foods.

Then, just a couple of days ago, her face got red again and she seemed to be beginning to do the poo in her pants again… I jumped up and asked her to go do it on the toilet. She ran to the toilet and did it on the toilet! She proudly told her dad that it had happened. Then the next day the same thing happened again. Slowly I am getting less worried that she would be dry and clean every day. Yes, our daughter still sleep with a nappy every night, but she wakes up most mornings asking for her potty. Most of the time her nappy would be dry. Some nights she would wake up asking for it. We try not to give her a big drink within two hours of her going to bed and if she has one, it would be only a sip of water. This hepls with the waking during the night as she usually slept through the night.

At the moment, our daughter still wakes up really early to use the toilet and wants us to help her. So she wakes up fully and does not go back to sleep. It does not help that it is already light outside by 5:00 in the morning… Hopefully this will change some time…

I liked having Potty Training in one Week by Gina Ford. I believe it helped us a lot. The little book is not expensive and has some really good advice. There is plenty of examples and advice for when things isn’t going to plan. Gina Ford does not guarantee potty training in one week, just says that it could be possible. Well, it didn’t happen for us, however hard we worked at it. I would refer any of my friends to the book for help with potty training.

{ 5 comments }

Book Review - Maybe One

by Blythe on June 3, 2009 · 1 comment

in Books, Eco-friendly, Parenting

Being an only child requires patience. There’s a lot of explaining about not having siblings, and about whether that was “strange” and about how Disneyland might have been more fun with a sibling but if I’d had a sibling my parents couldn’t have afforded to take me to Disneyland. It requires listening to people talk about how only children are terribly spoiled and trying to decide whether to enlighten them or not. It means I frequently listen out-loud ruminations on why anyone would ever choose to have just one. I’ve never minded the questions, but I’ve also never had much of substance to say, besides that my life seems to have turned out OK so far. But now I’ve got a few more answers.

Bill McKibben, environmental author and educator, wrote Maybe One after he and his wife made the decision to have only one child. It is, as the subtitle describes, a case for smaller families. He is a brave writer, and one of the few I’ve read who states directly that having more babies leads to overpopulation and therefore damage to the earth. That’s sort of a no-brainer, but it’s a controversial statement. Americans, as we know, are locked in a war over reproductive rights and responsibilities. China’s one child policy remains controversial. But it’s a highly relevant discussion topic, and he handles it gracefully.

Beginning with a chapter full of research on why the stigma of being an only child is undeserved, the book brings together a bevy of facts and clinical studies along with anecdotes on small and large families. As an only, I’m biased toward the idea that having a brother or sister doesn’t create a “better” person, but it was nice to read some data that backs up my hunch. And, speaking of his bravery, McKibben brings up religion early in the book as well. He argues that the commandment to “be fruitful and multiply” and “populate the earth” is as much an order to care for those we’ve produced as it is to have babies. And, in possibly my favorite line from the book, he notes that we can probably check “populate the earth” off our to-do list. Mission: Accomplished.

The largest portion of Maybe One is devoted to environmental issues. This section wasn’t the most compelling to me, for a couple of reasons. One: Like most Americans, I will consider environmental concerns as I choose my family size, but they won’t be the sole deciding factor. I care about population density, but I care about my child and my family’s immediate happiness more (a bit of a humbling admission, but I’m doing my best to be honest). Two: I only discovered this book recently, but it was published in the late 90’s. Many of the issues discussed are either in much worse or somewhat better shape than they were ten years ago, so it seemed a bit dated. But I got the point: family size (yes, even, and sometimes especially, in Western countries) has a huge impact on the long-term health of our planet and the human race.

The book ends with the acknowledgment that this decision is as much about parents’ emotions and beliefs and hopes as it is about our planet. McKibben has kind words for large families as well as small, and strives not to alienate those who choose to have a bunch of kids. He asks only that we think carefully about it first.

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Embracing your new body shape

by Christina G on May 28, 2009 · 2 comments

in Health

I’m not sure if it was pregnancy, or aging, or probably both, but over the last 3 years, my body has changed.  I’ve got chicken wings, my boobs have gone down a size, and while I’m now slightly smaller than I was pre-pregnancy, my waist is still 2 inches larger than it used to be.  I’ve spent the last couple of weeks reading books and surfing the web, trying to discover how to dress best for the new me.

I’ve never fit into the standard Apple-Hourglass-Rectangle way of describing body shapes, so I usually just try to piece together various suggestions based on specific body parts.  Then, a couple weeks ago, friend and fellow MWW author Janda lent me The Body Shape Bible: Forget Your Size Discover Your Shape Transform Yourself.

It’s written by Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine, hosts of the British series “What Not to Wear.” If you’ve seen their show, you have an idea of what to expect from this book.  If you’ve seen the American show, think of a somewhat more crass and outspoken version of Stacy and Clinton.

Instead of the usual 3 or 4 body types, this book has 12.  I didn’t immediately identify with any of the categories (and was a little confused about why the bowling pin shape was called a Skittle), but after reading the introduction and several of the body types that I thought were closest, I settled on Brick.  I hesitated at first, because Bricks are described as having broad shoulders, smaller breasts, a slight waist, narrow hips, big thighs, and no butt. While I fit the rest, I most definitely have a butt.  In the intro, Trinny and Susannah explain that you should go with the type the fits best, even if you’re missing one or two of the descriptors.  After reading through their clothing suggestion a couple times, I was sure this was me.  All their suggestions, empire waist tops, flowy skirts and pants, were things I knew looked flattering on me.

Now this book is being passed around among my group of friends and we’re all discovering that motherhood has given us new shapes and we were often judging our new bodies against the standards of our old ones. I may never get back to my old waist size, but that’s no reason to not feel sexy and attractive.  Think of what those extra couple of inches or pounds represent in our lives.  Sure it would be great to have a smaller waist, thinner arms, bigger boobs, and my son, but I’m happy to embrace my new body and recognize the amazing thing it’s done: brought a beautiful, loving child into my life.

I won’t be wearing baggy, unflattering outfits to hide my new body anymore.  Instead I’ll dress to flatter the shape I am now.

Has your body changed with motherhood?  Has it affected your body image?

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The SAH vs. working parent debate

by Christina G on May 10, 2009 · 16 comments

in Parenting

Happy Mother’s Day!  Today, I’m up early and my guys are sleeping in, but that’s fine with me because I have a little time for myself.

My mother and I butted heads often when I was young, but becoming a mother myself, and moving to another country, just as she did, have really given me a lot of insight into our relationship.

And what are my thoughts on motherhood this Mother’s Day? Recently while browsing the internet, I popped over to A Free Man and read his Open Letter to a SAHM.  While the article is mostly his defense of him and his wife being working parents, with a couple barbs at SAHMs, the real debate gets going in the comments section.

SAHMs get accused of wasting their education, losing contact with reality, not living fully, and turning their kids into self-centered, spoiled brats. One commentor even refers to SAHMs as Republicans who would rage at the sight of cleavage (I have no idea where that comment came from, cause most SAHMs I know are FAR from that).

Why do we need to attack each other in this way?

I always tried to be understanding of parents who made different decisions than I did, but on occasion I would have to bite my tongue about the “bad choices” I thought they were making.  With time though, and after reading Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape The Way We Parent, I’ve fully accepted that there are as many ways to raise children as there are parents, and that kids all over the world turn out fine.

There is no one right way to parent.

There are certainly wrong ways to parent: physical, emotional and sexual abuse are too common, as are neglect and endangerment, but most parents don’t do these things, most parents are trying the best that they can, and we should support them in this.

I know many stay at home parents, and I can honestly say that they are all great parents and have great kids.  I also know many working parents who put their kids in day care.  They are also all great parents and have great kids.   I thought about it a long time, and I can’t come up with anyone I know who is a “bad” parent.  (Maybe it’s because Oliver isn’t in school yet, I don’t know).

But I thought I’d address a couple of the accusations:

  • You’re wasting your education - This was a difficult one for me, because for some time I wondered about whether it was true.  I wondered if, by not writing my PhD thesis, I was wasting my education.  But I enjoyed all those years in school, and that education has shaped who I am now.  If I hadn’t done it, I would be a different person, in a different place.  Just because I’m not working doesn’t mean I’m not using my education.  I use the analytical skills I learned in everything I do.
  • You’re lazy - Ummm, I think anyone who has spent a day with a baby or toddler knows this isn’t true. It’s one of those terms that is thrown around as a personal attack to try an undermine the other person.  Small children require constant attention.  It is much more stressful than work ever was for me.  But I, personally, think raising my child is my most important job at the moment.  Even with older children, there’s homework to help out with, soccer practice, music lessons, and plenty of other things to fill up your day.
  • You’ll be bitter - I think this is more a reflection on our mother’s and grandmother’s generation.  Women now have the choice to either stay home or work.  Back then, women had very little choice about it, they often had little power over their own lives.  That is a situation that can make you bitter.  It wasn’t about being a SAHP.
  • You’re not living fully - I’m living the life that I want to live.  How would living the life YOU want to live give me a fuller life? This works the other way around too.  SAHPs should remember that, when we start to get judgmental about working parents.
  • You’re losing contact with reality - I really don’t know how to address this point.  It just seems like a hurtful jab to try and question someone’s sanity.  I’m sure there are SAHPs who have lost contact with reality, but I’d guess there are just as many working parents and single people who have done so as well.
  • Your kids aren’t getting socialized - All the SAHPs I know do some sort of activity that allows their kids to socialize with other kids.  We, for example, belong to a German speaking playgroup, an English speaking playgroup, have done a baby swimming course, and start a gymnastics course in the fall.  We also get together with friends with kids at least once or twice a week.
  • You’ll ruin your kid if you make them the center of your universe - I think, if taken to extreme, this can be partly true, but this is also how we are set up biologically.  Look at most mothers in the animal kingdom.  When they have a baby, that baby is the focus of their life until it is old enough to be independent.  Focusing so much that you forget your own needs and feelings is overdoing it, but I think having your child as the center of your universe is normal and healthy.  I imagine parents who work have their children at the center of their universe when they are home, and keep them in mind even when they work.

I think in the end, it’s about being comfortable with the choices you make.  I think we all have occasional doubts, and we should support each other through these doubts, rather than using them as an opportunity to one-up each other.

What are you thoughts?

{ 16 comments }

Phil & Teds Sport pushchair review

by Janda on April 29, 2009 · 3 comments

in Strollers

My daughter was about 18 months when we moved to Germany with a reasonably good pushchair, the Graco Mosaic. It never was what I wanted, but it ticked all […] Continue Reading…

{ 3 comments }

Victoria’s Secret has nursing bras

by Christina G on April 25, 2009 · 5 comments

in Bras, Breastfeeding

While checking out the massive discounts over at Victoria’s Secret right now (It seems sexy lingerie isn’t in high demand during a recession), I noticed a category “Nursing.”  I […] Continue Reading…

{ 5 comments }

Cultural Differences in Parenting

by Christina G on April 6, 2009 · 13 comments

in Books, Parenting

As the mixed race child of an Asian woman who married a caucasian American man and immigrated to the United States, who then herself married a German and moved […] Continue Reading…

{ 13 comments }

Time change and a toddler

by Maria on March 30, 2009 · 6 comments

in Sleep, Travel

Different people handle the time change with a toddler differently. Before we left for Milan, I checked my sleep books and then the internet looking for information jet lag. […] Continue Reading…

{ 6 comments }

Beco Butterfly II

by Maria on March 25, 2009 · 9 comments

in Gear

When I first wrote a post on baby-wearing, I did not yet own a Beco carrier, but I thought at some point I would like to have one for […] Continue Reading…

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