Yesterday, I hit 23 weeks pregnant. Just over halfway. For most of that 23 weeks, I’ve been suffering from the excessive nausea and vomiting that goes along with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, or HG. It doesn’t feel possible that I’m only half way through. It feels like this pregnancy has lasted forever. This has easily been the longest five months of my life.
Luckily, the vomiting I described in my first post about living with HG has lessened quite a bit. I’m not sure if it’s lessened on its own or if I just have it under control now with medication. In the first trimester, the of nausea and vomiting of HG caused me to lose 20 pounds. While at home with my family for the first half of the second trimester (first six weeks), I managed to gain 29 pounds, but my weight has been constant over the 3 weeks since returning to Germany. Being surrounded by family to help out and having a mom cooking for you all the time helps a lot with weight gain.
I’m still taking the antiemetic dimenhydrinate, the active ingredient in Dramamine. I take about 100-150mg (the equivalent of 2-3 Dramamine a day, 2 is a good day), which is down quite a bit from the 400mg I was taking at the worst of the nausea. While I’m vomiting less (maybe once a week), I’m still dealing with excessive nausea and exhaustion, pushing myself physically usually ends in tears and 5-10 minutes of dry heaving.
This inability to push myself physically has me worried how I will handle the birth. I guess women have had babies after months of bed rest before, so I’ll manage to do what I have to do, but it worries me a lot that I’m not going in to this as prepared as I should be. One flight of stairs is hard, two flights of stairs is my limit, any more than that and the tears start flowing. On flat surfaces, I can usually manage 15-30 minutes of walking, depending on how slowly I go. I know this is far from ideal shape to be in prior to giving birth. But I guess I have four months to go still, maybe things will get better.
I forgot to mention in the last post, one of the symptoms that often goes hand in hand with the excessive nausea of HG, extreme motion sickness. Car rides require doping up with anti-nausea medicine, making it impossible for me to drive any sort of distance. I can make it to my local supermarket, and that’s as far as I would trust myself to go. When I was in the US, I couldn’t make it to the nearest outlet mall on the first try (this was just before my husband left at the beginning of January). We stopped halfway, went to a regular mall, where I spent most of the time sitting in the food court, then headed home. I did manage to make it there with my brother shortly before returning to Germany. Depending on people to drive you anywhere is frustrating.
The motion sickness even occurs with television and movies. I went to see “It’s Complicated” in the US and had to close my eyes for much of the last 20 minutes because I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t go anywhere near “Avatar,” I figured that would not go well. Any television show with quick cuts or a lot of motion is off limits as well.
I’m still struggling with feeling socially isolated as well. At home I was surrounded by family, with my mother and brother even calling from work every day just to check if I was okay or needed anything. It’s very lonely in Germany where friends have their own lives, families to care for, and problems to deal with.
I try to put on a brave face to the world, but sometimes I wonder if this is the best thing for me to do. Maybe the brave face makes people think that everything’s hunky dory, when in fact I’m usually just barely hanging on. Asking for help is maybe one of the hardest things for someone in need to do. I don’t want to bother anyone, but sometimes even just an occasional phone call to chitchat or gossip would mean the world.
Facebook has been both a Godsend and a torture device. I can communicate with friends around the world and see what everyone is up to on there, making me feel like I’m still in the loop, still a part of the world, but seeing what everyone is up to is a problem as well. I see that my friends are meeting up at a café, getting together for playdates, or just referring to a fun night spent hanging out, and I throw myself a little pity party because HG has made so I’m not up to joining in the fun.
I don’t really know what else to say. I want to post something uplifting, for others going through my situation, but I just don’t feel it in my heart. HG is hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I know when I see my baby that I’ll feel it was all worth it, that these months were just a small fraction of my life, years from now I will probably barely remember this time, but it’s hard to feel that now.
I just keep in mind that there are a lot of other women in my same situation. We’re not alone. And at the end of this, we’ll have something beautiful. There are a lot worse things that people go through than this, and we should try to keep that in mind.
If you’re suffering from HG, hang in there, and check out Hyperemesis Education and Research website.
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