While I’m not working towards becoming a group leader for an Attachment Parenting International Support Group (at least not until I have a lot more parenting experience), I did find their required reading list interesting and immediately picked a book that I want to read from each of the categories. I ordered a couple of them, and the first I have read is Good Nights by Jay Gordon, M.D. and Maria Goodavage.
Good Nights: The Happy Parents’ Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night’s Sleep!) is about co-sleeping, aka bed-sharing, sleep-sharing, and the family bed. We didn’t always co-sleep with Oliver. He started out in a crib, it was only three feet away from me, and I’m such a light sleep that I’d wake as soon as he stirred, but it was still a separate bed. When he needed to nurse, I would get up and bring him to my nursing station in the living room. It wasn’t until we went to visit my in-laws for Oliver’s first Christmas and, due to an overloaded car, chose not to bring the travel crib, that we co-slept. Oliver was about six months old at the time, and it was wonderful. We never looked back.
The book, Good Nights, discusses the many, many benefits of co-sleeping, and the history of the practice. It wasn’t until recently, history-wise, that we, in the west, put babies in cribs in separate rooms. And even calling it a western practice doesn’t really fit. Almost every parent I’ve met here in Germany co-sleeps. In the US, it’s also more prevalent than many think. When a child starts out in their own bed, but joins the parents during the night, that is one style of co-sleeping.
But I digress. The book goes over things you should do to safely co-sleep, like stop smoking, don’t drink heavily or take drugs, and baby-safe your bed and bedroom. It gives love life advice in a chapter entitled “Love in the Laundry Room” (basically, get creative outside of the bedroom). It discusses why the “cry it out” methods aren’t ideal (would you let your husband cry out for you in the next room night after night and just ignore him? So why is it okay to do this with your defenseless baby?). It gives advice for dealing with naysayers, nosy neighbors and pestering in-laws. And finally, gives advice for weaning your child from the family bed, should you choose not to let him/her leave on their own.
This book is really great. I sped through it in two days, neglecting things like housecleaning to keep reading (much to my hubby’s dismay). I highly recommend it for parents planning on co-sleeping. If you’re on the fence about co-sleeping, it’s a good read. If you’re dead set against it, this book is probably not for you, but I’d ask you to look over the information on the Natural Family site and Dr. Jay Gordon’s website, just to make sure it’s not right for you.
Finally, I leave with a quote from the book: “More than 60 percent of Americans allow their pets to sleep in bed with them on a regular basis, according to an extensive national survey. If only our babies were lucky enough to be treated like the majority of our pets!” I’m not into sleeping with pets (not that there’s anything wrong with it), but I think a good retort if someone who sleeps with a pet is bugging you about co-sleeping is, “Dude, you sleep with your dog, don’t you?“
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That argument about sleeping with dogs always cracks me up. Probably because it’s kind of true (I do know people who sleep with their dogs and don’t sleep with their kids).
We didn’t co-sleep but after the fact I wished I’d had one of these things:
http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Close-Secure-Sleeper/dp/B00012CHFI/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2_s9_rk?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&s9r=8a585b4317a113eb0117bf2f122303e4&itemPosition=2&qid=1224180844&sr=8-2
I was a little worried about putting him in bed without a buffer around him (I realize that’s not usually a problem but we all have our fears) and this would have allowed him to sleep in his own space but still be nearby so I didn’t have to haul myself out of bed in the middle of the night to feed him. It also seems to have the added bonus of being a familiar space that could be transferred into a more unfamiliar crib when the time comes.
Has anyone tried it?
We never had one of those. I was too afraid to night nurse in bed for fear I’d fall asleep and roll over on him, so I never brought him to bed at night when he was little. By the time he was six months old though, he was rolling over and sitting up, so I wasn’t really worried about it. Not sure how I’ll do it with the next kid. If Oliver is still in bed with us, maybe I’ll try one of those sidecar bassinets.
Like you Christina, we didn’t start out co-sleeping. Henry came home at 4 pounds 2ounces and was waaaayyy too small. We were scared of him suffocating. He slept in a bassinett for the first few months, next to my side of the bed. And then, when he was big enough, I just got tired of getting up in the middle of the night to nurse.
It was a gradual process but one in which I’m still happy we made. He’s been sick lots – at least once every 4 weeks. And by sick I don’t mean a simple cold – oh no! not my kid!
He’s had numerous ear infections, a burst eardrum (a mistake we made once and only once), breathing problems, a few ER visits for more serious breathing problems, you name it, he’s probably had it. And I credit his sleeping with us to me knowing what was going on … you see, he’d only get “really” sick in the middle of the night. And as his mom, I’d just know. (There really must be some magic to being a mom …)
I also started out with this book and loved it for all the same reasons. But mostly because it reassured me of the ways to be smart and safe about bringing him to bed with us.
Even now, at nearly 2 1/2 years, he’s in bed with us – although we’ve finally gotten rid of the side rails (but he still mostly sleeps in the middle).
Great book! Great writeup!
We aren’t co-sleeping (yet). I love the argument about the dog. My poor dog always wanted to sleep with me, but I would end up kicking him off of the bed in the middle of the night while I slept. I would hear a thump in the middle of the night and he would stay on the floor for the rest of the night. I think that’s why I am afraid of co-sleeping! I have never been good at sharing my sleeping space, and I tend to take over by moving everyone else out (my poor husband).
I have one of the bassinets that attach to the bed, and it has been good so far. I can slide her from her space onto the bed easily for nursing. I just started moving it a few inches away from the bed though (after adding the fourth side to close it off) just because it was tough to get in and out of the bed with my irritated shoulders at the moment. She still sleeps next to me, but now I can slide her out a bit when I need to get up.
Thanks for the book tip. I’ll have to pick it up. We didn’t start co-sleeping with our first son Logan until he was about two (he’s 8 now and still sleeping with us). We too were afraid we’d roll over onto him in the night. When I got pregnant with Connor we decided that we would purchase a co-sleeper so that night time feedings would go easier for me (I really like to sleep) but when the little guy came I never used it. It was really hard to slide him back and forth so we just slept together. I was extremely nervous about it but after a couple of weeks it was no problem. I kept the co-sleeper next to the bed so he would’t fall on the floor. Connor is 14 months now and we all sleep together in two large beds. I occasionally sneak out and sleep in our guest bed with our two cats. They enjoy co-sleeping with their Momma too. Thanks again for such a great web site. I enjoy reading each post and look forward to hearing from other parents. I’ve shared your site with friends back in the US and they think it’s great too.
I co-sleep and have since my now 7 mo old was a newborn. We did the same for my 3.5 yo. It’s somewhat common in the US to co-sleep(where I live anyway), but at the same time– it is treated like a “dirty little secret”. It is a convenience thing as much as a bonding thing when you nurse at night. (We have a local yahoo group for attachment parenting… the name is something like… baby wearers….) My favorite book on sleeping is “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child”. It goes into all of the sleep methods and their relative merits (Ferber / Cry it Out, etc) and offers great information on the number of hours of sleep and naps required by age. It would be a nice reference for any household with kids, regardless of co-sleeping vs. not. Unfortunately, there is a downside to all of us sleeping in our master bedroom — with 3.5yo on a toddler mattress, 7 mo old in our bed. It is indeed a bit “crowded” in our bedroom for any adult time.
I just posted about cosleeping on a Piece of My Mind. A fwe things I didn’t post there– cosleeping has forced us to be creative with our adult activities, but that just adds to the excitement.
Also, one thing I don’t like about child/baby sleep books in their recommended sleep times is that those are averages, and many don’t indicate that your baby’s time may vary. I used to freak because my son wasn’t in line with the average, but then I figured out how much he needs and in what durations/frequencies…only to have it all change as he goes through a growth spurt, etc. LOL!
Proud co-sleeper here!