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I have been thinking long and hard about posting about this very delicate subject. It works different for everyone. It took us now just over two months to get to the point where I can say with reasonable confidence that we have made it! Our daughter not only wear no nappies during the day, but she also has minimal little accidents. She still wear nappies during the night, though, and may be wearing them at night for a little while longer.
My daughter is just over 30 months old now and goes to daycare three mornings a week. In September she will start going to Kindergarten every morning. She has to be dry and clean by then. This is one of my Kindergarten’s rules.
So, when the daycare said; just before Easter weekend; that they would start taking the nappy off once she gets there in the mornings, after Easter, we decided to take the challenge up ourselves! I ordered a book called Potty Training in one week by a British Childcare Author called Gina Ford. Now, I have to be honest and say that I did actually think that we could do it in one week! My husband was to be home from the Thursday through to the Monday, with my daughter home from the Wednesday afternoon through to the Tuesday evening after… We read the book and I thought and still think it is a good guide.
Gina Ford gives advice to start thinking of toilet training a toddler once they are 18 months old. She does state not to start before they show the signs and levels of ability that would indicate if the toddler is ready for potty/toilet training. These are:
- He/she is over 18 months of age
- His/her nappy is often dry when he/she gets up from a nap or when the nappy stays dry for a couple of hours.
- He/she is aware when doing a poo. Look out for things like a toddler going very quiet or starting to concentrate on nothing definite; pointing to his/her nappy or says poo or pee pee once he/she has done it.
- He/she can understand and follow simple instructions.
- He/she is eager to participate in taking off his/her own clothes and understands what pulling up or down means.
- Can point to body parts when you name them.
- He/she has the ability to sit still and occupy him-/herself for 5 to ten minutes with a toy, book or a video.
Gina say to not start training if your toddler does not show all these signs. Also, don’t start training your toddler if you are moving within a few weeks or having another baby or if any life changing things may happen in your household. And do not potty train your toddler on holiday!
Furthermore Gina Ford advices to put time apart for specifically training your toddler and not having any other obligations or commitments. To limit outings at least the first few days and to try not to use the telephone.
This is why we decided to potty train our daughter straight away. She showed all the signs and it was summer so we thaught she would not get too cold if she was wet and it would be less clothes to wash! Less layers to pull up and down for her also. As number two is on the way it would also be a good idea to get our daughter trained well in advance of the baby being born and her starting kindergarten.
We got the potty, we got the toilet seat and I also found Gina Ford’s advice on getting some other things ready very helpful. These were:
- Two potties, that is if you have two bathrooms… Keep them handy and you don’t have to rush around… (Get your toddler to pick them)
- Child’s toilet seat. These are designed to fit onto normal toilet seats but makes the set smaller for little bottoms… (I once forgot to put the seat on the toilet for my daughter… poor girl sunk well down into the toilet bowl! She was ok and dry, but I felt really bad about it but happy that I had just cleaned the toilet!)
- A Cushion covered with a polythene bag and then a removable cover (I used a old folded towel) to use in the pushchair or car seat or when every you are going out… In case of accidents! Gina says that if you make it a special cushion, the child is less likely to think of it as a safety net and more likely to try to keep it dry… Well, my daughter never needed it until now…
- Eight pairs of underpants and shorts - basically eight changes of clothes - per day!!! Elasticated is best and wide enough for toddler hands to pull down. Gina advises not using pull-up nappies as this may confuse toddlers… So I went for the eight pairs… Remember to only use easy clothing too. No vests with poppers or dungarees or trousers with belts! Speed in taking clothes off is important!
- Books, video’s, stickers, small toys. Anything that you can keep together and that would occupy your child for a length of time. I found that things my daughter has not seen or played with for a while was better. Keeping these away and offering one item at a time is good too. My daughter got confused if she had too much at a time so she lost interest all together.
- A star chart. A star for a use of the potty and a big star for several times because your toddler is so clever… This did not interest my daughter at all! We had to use a different method for making her feel she had done something special… More about this later.
- Face cloths for drying small hands on. This is easier for toddlers to use. If they are printed with cartoons or something your toddler like, even better.
- A Booster step to help short legs reach the loo seat. Be careful choosing this. I got just the first one I could find, but it was far from high enough! My daughter is quite tall and I would not say our toilet is high, but she could not reach! In the end I gave her the ”Tummy Tub Two step stool” I had gotten together with the “Tummy Tub” for baby number two. This works perfect as it even has two heights. She likes it for its bright design and it has storage for a special toy…
- Two buckets. One for wet clothes - filled with cold, soapy water. The other filled with lukewarm water and a bit of mild disinfectant to clean any misses.
- A towel kept under the potty and around the potty was useful to me.
- I kept several pieces of cloth available to dry up any misses.
- Wet wipes, baby wipes or even better flush able toilet wipes designed for toddlers as well as facial tissues for wiping little bottoms.
We started with taking our daughter with us to the loo and letting her sit on the potty with her clothes and nappy on. We allowed her to watch as we demonstrated what happens and we described what we did. We used simple language, not using complicated words. It helped using words other people use too and that she may have heard before.
Then we started showing her what wet and dry was. Letting her play with wet and dry clothes and telling her when she was making a cloth wet with water etc. Just chatting to our daughter when we were doing every day things like washing and drying our hands helped.
It didn’t take our daughter long to understand these things. She quickly wanted her nappy off when sitting on the potty. Although nothing happened most of the times, we moved on to stage two - this is when the long weekend started and my husband was at home so he could help.
On day one we just let her run around in one room. She didn’t much want to wear any clothes and we let her run around without. We kept all her favourites together and kept her occupied in the same room. This helped us not to have to run around too much with buckets and potties etc. We kind of got a little area ready for the potty with everything around it. A little throne room!!! We kept drinks at hand to give her at regular intervals.
We kept asking her if she wanted to sit on the potty and took her to the potty every 10 minutes. Sometimes she used it straight away and we made a big fuss about her being such a big girl and using the potty. Sometimes it took 10 minutes and other times she would sit there for ten minutes and get up just to wet the floor… We never got angry at her for missing the potty or getting to it too late. We never made what she did look dirty or disgusting. We tried to make her feel proud of it. Never said it was smelly or horrible. It is important not to make little ones feel they are doing something that isn’t acceptable. Using insensitive words or actions could put a toddler off using the potty.
By late in the afternoon we felt quite tired and felt that we could just not continue and needed to get fresh air. We put a nappy on our daughter and took her to the park, quite against Gina Ford’s advice of not giving up half way through as it could confuse a little toddler. As it happened, she stayed dry all the time and we got a breather.
On day two we started again. We got everything together and started giving our daughter stars for every triumph. Soon we realised she could just not be bothered by the stars, however shiny and bright they were! She started “acting out” when we took her to the potty so we read the “troubleshooting” part of the book and decided to give her a small treat for every triumph… quite against our nature… We do not believe in teaching our daughter that she would get something for being good or doing something we want her to do. This worked. Later she asked for the treat and we said only if she used the potty. Then she would ask for the treat afterwards and once she was using the potty most of the times, the treats simply ran out! This only worked because she was not used to getting treats as a normal part of her day. She really was not used to sweet treats…
By day 3 we could see a definate positive turn. Our Daughter started using the potty at regular intervals with us just reminding her to use it if she needed it. At the end of the day she was very red in the face when she forgot to go to the potty and had wet herself. Throughout training our daughter to use the potty, we would take turns at taking breaks so that neither of us got too tired or disheartened by accidents.
When it was time to go back to childcare on the Wednesday, we didn’t put a nappy on our daughter. We had put the towel in the buggy for her to sit on and it was dry by the time we got to the daycare. There they kept her out of a nappy and she was dry all day.
Since then we always kept a change of clothes and wet wipes as well as a plastic bag on hand. Sometimes we needed two changes until we got to the point of rare accidents. It was more the poo that she had a hard time with. It felt as if she just did not understand the way it had to happen. My daughter kept doing it in her pants. Not on purpose but just because she just did not understand that she had to work to get it done sometimes. She did not understand that she had to push. Maybe she was a little constipated too. So we kept an eye on her when she got quiet and when it was due to happen and took her to the toilet. Most of the times, she would sit there and get up, not doing it. Sometimes she would run to the toilet just to pass wind. Then she realised that nothing really happened… Sometimes it took two days or longer for her to have a poo. I got worried and even thaught of putting her back into nappies to see if it would help. It may in some cases help. We gave her more fruit and fibre. We limited dried apples and bananas as well as any refined foods.
Then, just a couple of days ago, her face got red again and she seemed to be beginning to do the poo in her pants again… I jumped up and asked her to go do it on the toilet. She ran to the toilet and did it on the toilet! She proudly told her dad that it had happened. Then the next day the same thing happened again. Slowly I am getting less worried that she would be dry and clean every day. Yes, our daughter still sleep with a nappy every night, but she wakes up most mornings asking for her potty. Most of the time her nappy would be dry. Some nights she would wake up asking for it. We try not to give her a big drink within two hours of her going to bed and if she has one, it would be only a sip of water. This hepls with the waking during the night as she usually slept through the night.
At the moment, our daughter still wakes up really early to use the toilet and wants us to help her. So she wakes up fully and does not go back to sleep. It does not help that it is already light outside by 5:00 in the morning… Hopefully this will change some time…
I liked having Potty Training in one Week by Gina Ford. I believe it helped us a lot. The little book is not expensive and has some really good advice. There is plenty of examples and advice for when things isn’t going to plan. Gina Ford does not guarantee potty training in one week, just says that it could be possible. Well, it didn’t happen for us, however hard we worked at it. I would refer any of my friends to the book for help with potty training.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks so much for your post. It was really helpful!
Arghhh! Thanks for your post. I like hearing what works for people but am saddened that I have not had the sme success just yet. This potty training thing has the ability to test any parent. I am terribly impatient parent with my 4yo son and his lack of pooping on the potty. He’s 4 — I was patient for about 3.75 years. I’ll have to check out that book. He does not consistently poop in the potty — and doesn’t care about stickers! He gets cagey and doesn’t want to leave the room to take a couple of minutes to stick it in the potty, so he puts it in his pants at times. Maddening. But, unlike a 3 yo, a 4yo KNOWS when he is pooping and is choosing it. I don’t get it, but I’ll have to say that older kids often CHOOSE (especially boys) to poop their pants over the potty for any number of reasons — not all obvious. I keep telling myself to hang in there. Son goes naked on the last 3 weekends but will still go off and poop in the corner! crazy stuff. Just today he pooped in our new tent — it fell out of his underwear and he stepped on it — I’d set up the tent for sealing the seems. Nice, huh?! Hang in there parents. Your kid will (I keep telling myself) poop on the potty by 18. LOL.
To Lori T: You are most welcome. Do realise that I am mearely writing about my own experience. Doing so, I hope I could make mum’s feel a little more comfortable with the idea of starting the big training.
To Rachael: I am so sorry about your experience. It is hard when we do our best but our Tods just don’t want to work with us… In a restaurant, my friend’s son once hid next to me, away from his mum so he could do the dirty…! Not pleasant!
Whilst I cannot guarantee the value of Gina Ford’s Potty Training in one Week, I can say that it did give me a different view on the whole affair. Some people put their kids straight back into nappies and start the process over again… this could work. I really don’t know, sorry! I really do hope that this will not be a big issue for you much longer! Good luck!
We had a really (unnaturally) easy time with potty learning. I had “tested” a few times, but found that The Boy was interested and ready by all the signs, but did not want to stop what he was doing to go potty. However, around 26 months, he started asking to use the potty. We were about to leave on a couple of trips, so I would allow him to sit when he wanted, but kept him in diapers. On the second trip, close to 27 months of age, we were in Milan and he started asking to go poop on the potty. He cried on the plane when there was a line for the bathroom and he had to pee in his diaper. Needless to say, when we arrived home, we started with potty learning in full force. He was ready!
Overall, we used underwear all day, and a pull-up at night for about a week, but then he wanted underwear all the time. He rarely had an accident after the first day, and he went on his own.
Like I said— unnaturally easy, but a big part of that was waiting for HIM to be ready— not me. Not when others told me he should. Not when others told him he should. When he made the decision for himself.
Maria, this is really great news! So glad you had such a positive experience. I would agree to wait until the child is ready when possible.