I figure I’m a little unusual in the modern, western world. At 25 months, my son Oliver is still breastfeeding, and last weekend was our first extended separation since his birth.
I’ve left Oliver for a few hours before, even for almost a full day, but he’s never spent a night without me. I was a little worried how the weekend would go. Was my husband going to be up two nights in a row with our inconsolable son? But I was only going to be an hour and a half away and I really wanted to go to the expat bloggers in Germany meetup that was taking place in Munich. A Macedonian friend, who tells me that extended breastfeeding is common and never went out of fashion in her homeland, warned us that my husband was going to have a couple of very rough nights. I thought, at the very worst, he could pack up the car and join me in Munich.
I left Friday morning and the day went well. Rainer complained a little that he was always having to get Oliver little snacks or drinks throughout the day. My aunt had also mentioned during her visit that whenever I went to sit down, I was having to get up again to go to the kitchen for something. “Welcome to my world!” I said.
Oliver took to calling my husband, “Mama,” so apparently “Mama” is just the name for whoever he determines is the primary caretaker! (He does call me “Nina” when I don’t answer to “Mama,” so he understands that that isn’t my name.) Falling asleep went without a hitch, although Rainer thinks he may have fallen asleep before Oliver. Oliver woke once during the night, got up and looked in all the rooms, then lay down in the hallway crying. Rainer picked him up and took him back to bed and he went right back to sleep.
My husband is the less enthusiastic of us about cosleeping (he does still like it though), and usually wants me to get Oliver to sleep in his own bed, which is next to ours. Oliver loves his bed and is quite happy to sleep there, but Rainer had Oliver sleep together with him in the big bed while I was gone. I was a little surprised by this, and am starting to think Rainer may just be a closet cosleeper who doesn’t want to admit to how much he likes it.
The rest of the weekend went similarly, the next night, the same thing happened. Oliver woke once, went looking for me, cried, then went to sleep again. We talked 3-4 times a day on the phone and he was happy to hear from me, saying only, “Mama… mama” on the phone, but he didn’t cry at all.
In our last breastfeeding session before I left, I really concentrated on remembering everything about the moment. I knew there was a chance that this could be the last time Oliver breastfed. I was sad and realized that even though I occasionally get annoyed with his still very frequent breastfeeding, I wasn’t really ready to give it up yet. I figured on my return, I wouldn’t offer, but I wouldn’t deny. I’d just see what Oliver wanted to do.
During the trip, my breasts didn’t feel sore at all until Saturday night, or about 20 hours after breastfeeding. I hand-expressed into one of the hotel glasses and poured the milk down the sink.
I arrived home on Sunday afternoon and found I didn’t need to worry about weaning. As soon as I sat down, Oliver climbed into my lap and lifted my shirt. He spent much of the rest of the day on the breast. I was glad to find that he wasn’t ready to wean either.
How was your first extended time away from your child? Did it go how you expected? Or have you chosen not to separate?
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Every time we are apart, I expect The Boy to wean, and every time I return, he asks to nurse. Our recent separations while I have been in DC have been no exception. At one point it was six weeks without nursing— my breasts did not ache— and I still had milk! Amazing!!!
He does struggle with sleep in my absense, but that is more due to the fact that I am always the one who puts him to bed. Kevin is gone for long periods of time, and The Boy is used to me.
Hi!
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I left my son for 4 days when he was 8 months old. My breasts were sore in the evenings when I used and eletric pump to empty them. When I returned home my mother told my proudly that she had weaned him…he wasnt at the stage of helping himself but I offered and he took it. We went on the bf until he was 1. One day (when he was 1 and a couple of days old) he bit me so badly on both breasts that I decided enough was enough…. It actually turned out I had just concieved…so maybe my hormones had done something to my milk. I do not think he misses it. He paws at my top sometimes but mostly because I am wearing v-necks and he likes to feel my skin.
Funny enough it is now almost 3 months and I still have my milk. I was tempted to go back to breastfeeding when I realised it was probably the hormones that put him off but I think it may be better this way….I am soooo tired anyway
I do miss it though.
We co-slept until weaning, and my kids self-weaned (complete loss of interest when they started walking — both were done around 11 months). So, I traveled overnight only after this period. There was more co-sleeping when I was gone. I think all family members slept better in my absence.
One thing I noticed… my oldest child used the word “mama” as a synonym for “I want” and “I need” until about 2. So, not a surprise that Rainer as caregiver became “mama”. Even my youngest tends to use my name when under duress when he needs something but not otherwise.
Re: breastfeeding. To some extent both kids saw this as a comforting or “bonding with mom” act as opposed to a feeding act by about 8 months or so, as solids were introduced. They did get fed by the milk, but they would seek it when emotionally “needy”, tired, etc. more so than when it was time for the usual feeding. I felt like a human pacifier at times (and then guilty for feeling that way!) Perhaps this explains Oliver’s latching on for quite a while upon your return (needing that bonding).
Re: extended travel, the kids tend to do well with whoever is caring for them despite having periods when they preferred one parent over the other. But, I suspect the bond is entirely different if you are a stay at home parent and breastfeeding is such a part of the kid’s life. My kids lost interest in breastfeeding and would cry (to get down) or bite out of boredom. So, they didn’t miss it!
Wow, I am so glad that there are so many others out there who don’t think it’s weird to nurse longer than 6 months. I finalled weaned our son when he was two years and about 4 months old, right after we moved to Germany. My husband thought it might be a good idea to get him “off the boob” before he would start asking for the car keys. While I was trying to wean him he didn’t really make it easy on me - he would look up at me, hold up his index finger and say “Mommy, just one more sip, please?!” We now have our little Elyssa who is 9 months old and happily breastfeeding. I will go for as long as she wants to. The longest I will go without nursing her so far will be at the end of the month for a WHOLE day
I know, it’s next to no time at all, but I am still nervous about it - we just have a routine, and that will be upset.
Also great to hear the extended nursing stories. My son is 18 months and we’re still going strong. I have not yet been away from him for more than a day and although he does not nurse in the middle of the night, a trip away could be interesting…..
Good to hear your stories. Part of me is ready to give it up, but part of me does not want to. I’m trying to hold out until after our trip to California for Christmas (9 hours time difference and 11 hour flight… nursing helps so very much with both of those!) Laura in Ludwigsburg