Yesterday, I hit 23 weeks pregnant. Just over halfway. For most of that 23 weeks, I’ve been suffering from the excessive nausea and vomiting that goes along with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, or HG. It doesn’t feel possible that I’m only half way through. It feels like this pregnancy has lasted forever. This has easily been the longest five months of my life.
Luckily, the vomiting I described in my first post about living with HG has lessened quite a bit. I’m not sure if it’s lessened on its own or if I just have it under control now with medication. In the first trimester, the of nausea and vomiting of HG caused me to lose 20 pounds. While at home with my family for the first half of the second trimester (first six weeks), I managed to gain 29 pounds, but my weight has been constant over the 3 weeks since returning to Germany. Being surrounded by family to help out and having a mom cooking for you all the time helps a lot with weight gain.
I’m still taking the antiemetic dimenhydrinate, the active ingredient in Dramamine. I take about 100-150mg (the equivalent of 2-3 Dramamine a day, 2 is a good day), which is down quite a bit from the 400mg I was taking at the worst of the nausea. While I’m vomiting less (maybe once a week), I’m still dealing with excessive nausea and exhaustion, pushing myself physically usually ends in tears and 5-10 minutes of dry heaving.
This inability to push myself physically has me worried how I will handle the birth. I guess women have had babies after months of bed rest before, so I’ll manage to do what I have to do, but it worries me a lot that I’m not going in to this as prepared as I should be. One flight of stairs is hard, two flights of stairs is my limit, any more than that and the tears start flowing. On flat surfaces, I can usually manage 15-30 minutes of walking, depending on how slowly I go. I know this is far from ideal shape to be in prior to giving birth. But I guess I have four months to go still, maybe things will get better.
I forgot to mention in the last post, one of the symptoms that often goes hand in hand with the excessive nausea of HG, extreme motion sickness. Car rides require doping up with anti-nausea medicine, making it impossible for me to drive any sort of distance. I can make it to my local supermarket, and that’s as far as I would trust myself to go. When I was in the US, I couldn’t make it to the nearest outlet mall on the first try (this was just before my husband left at the beginning of January). We stopped halfway, went to a regular mall, where I spent most of the time sitting in the food court, then headed home. I did manage to make it there with my brother shortly before returning to Germany. Depending on people to drive you anywhere is frustrating.
The motion sickness even occurs with television and movies. I went to see “It’s Complicated” in the US and had to close my eyes for much of the last 20 minutes because I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t go anywhere near “Avatar,” I figured that would not go well. Any television show with quick cuts or a lot of motion is off limits as well.
I’m still struggling with feeling socially isolated as well. At home I was surrounded by family, with my mother and brother even calling from work every day just to check if I was okay or needed anything. It’s very lonely in Germany where friends have their own lives, families to care for, and problems to deal with.
I try to put on a brave face to the world, but sometimes I wonder if this is the best thing for me to do. Maybe the brave face makes people think that everything’s hunky dory, when in fact I’m usually just barely hanging on. Asking for help is maybe one of the hardest things for someone in need to do. I don’t want to bother anyone, but sometimes even just an occasional phone call to chitchat or gossip would mean the world.
Facebook has been both a Godsend and a torture device. I can communicate with friends around the world and see what everyone is up to on there, making me feel like I’m still in the loop, still a part of the world, but seeing what everyone is up to is a problem as well. I see that my friends are meeting up at a café, getting together for playdates, or just referring to a fun night spent hanging out, and I throw myself a little pity party because HG has made so I’m not up to joining in the fun.
I don’t really know what else to say. I want to post something uplifting, for others going through my situation, but I just don’t feel it in my heart. HG is hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I know when I see my baby that I’ll feel it was all worth it, that these months were just a small fraction of my life, years from now I will probably barely remember this time, but it’s hard to feel that now.
I just keep in mind that there are a lot of other women in my same situation. We’re not alone. And at the end of this, we’ll have something beautiful. There are a lot worse things that people go through than this, and we should try to keep that in mind.
If you’re suffering from HG, hang in there, and check out Hyperemesis Education and Research website.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
“throw myself a little pity party”
Stop being so hard on yourself! It’s natural to feel sad. I have HG and am in week 32 of my pregnancy. I found this blog after your first post and was hoping you’d give us an update soon.
I can’t wait, I mean REALLY, not like normal women, I CAN NOT WAIT to get this baby out of me. I have symptoms all through all my pregnancies, this one too and the first time round I had a complete breakdown after 20 weeks when I realised I was going to have these symptoms full term. I got PO’d at the women who posted on forums than they’re symptoms eased up at 14 or 16 weeks. I was mad at everyone.
Somedays I feel like I’m dying. I’ve become more resolved towards the whole thing now, the end is finally in sight but I hear a lot of what I was feeling around weeks 20-25 of my first pg in your post. It happens to almost all of us. I haven’t talked to any of my friends in months. They just don’t get it or treat me like I’m exagerating or I don’t know, just don’t know what to say maybe. Its sad, I know what you mean, cause just saing hello would make us feel better. But this is my third pregnancy, and once you have the baby your life will get back to normal. I promise. Hang in there and keep your chin up. Oh and not to be a downer but the part about forgetting the whole thing in a couple years… it doesn’t work that way. I remember every miserable moment. But you are right that you will look at your little angels and know that it was worth it. Take care and keep us updated!
Rebecca
~ Mom to Charlie, 5 years old, and Jasper, 3 years old
Oh Christina! I’m so sorry about what you’re going through! I really hope things get better for you soon! I’m a long time lurker on your expat blog and please know that you have so many readers out there who think about how you’re doing and wish you the best. I wish I knew you so I could come over and give you a big hug.
I was miserable in Germany until I found your blog. I didn’t have friends and hated life here. I learned to cook with the help of your food substitutes and recipes. I came to appreciate my new country through your optimistic writings about Germany. Finally I made friends after contacting some of the local bloggers I found through your link list. I’m finally happy now and I owe it all to you. Please remember how much you touch the lives of those around you! Thank you for your writings and let me know if I can do anything to help!!! (I’m serious, just email me!)
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through what I am. With my first pregnancy, I vomited 6 times a day until 18 weeks. Then, it tapered off. Here I am now, 31 weeks pregnant with my second, and I threw up 5 days ago. Ugh. The nausea is constant, too. It is hard. You shouldn’t feel like a bad mommy for feeling awful. I’m sorry for you. I hope it gets better!
Oje! I am so sorry you are continuing to suffer with this! I think that it’s hard enough to be an expat, much less an expat with health problems. I have found in the last year that I feel much more isolated and depressed when things are not going well for us…much more so than when we were in the States. I suppose that shouldn’t be such a surprise, but I just wanted to say that I really empathize. I have no suggestions or advice about the HG, and I am not really sure I can imagine. Nausea is one of the worst things around, in my book. I’d rather have pain, I think.
I don’t know if it would be helpful for you or not, but I suspect that the lack of light this winter has really had a detrimental effect on my mood. Or maybe it’s just sucky circumstances. Either way, I got a “Sunrise Simulator” alarm clock last month, and that has seemed to help a bit. I find getting out of bed in the morning a bit easier with that.
I second what others have said, too–try not to be so hard on yourself! I think we sometimes expect ourselves to be super-duper moms all.the.time. And sometimes we are just not physically or emotionally able. Cheesy to say it, but sometimes all we can do is to do our best. I think our kids can feel that. Hang in there!
Hi Christina!
This is easy to say and hard to do but….DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP!!! If I lived in your city I would be over tomorrow
The people in your life will jump at the chance to assist you in anyway they can. Really! Believe it!
YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOTHER!!!!!
I have you and your family in my prayers.
If I can ever do anything to help (really!) please call on me (yeah I know I’m a stranger but….).
JH
Oh my goodness. I am sorry to hear how things are going. I was really hoping that things would improve for you — when I read on Jan 7 or so that you’d puked only ONCE in the New Year.
It was normal for me as a SAHM when I had a tiny little newborn to feel isolated — I had serious baby blues and felt home bound. But your sickness and is a whole new level of isolation, symptoms, seeing facebook fun, etc. It is only natural to feel sad and depressed. I second others — ask for help. This is hard, though, when not near people you feel confortable asking… so I would take up any offers you get if you cannot initiate requsts. Don’t dismiss it with the usual pleasantries “I’m fine, thanks.” Instead, say “Can you do XX?”
Hang in there!
I’m sorry to hear things are going not so well at the moment. Sending hugs your way! Sometimes the only thing you can do is worry about the next 5 minutes, and know that this too will pass.
hi there,
i stumbled across your blod looking for baby clothes. i’m so sorry you have to go through all of this! i had hg as well, the suffering is so horrible, poor you! i was also worried about giving birth after hg; but, i have to tell you, two weeks before birth i got better. not good, noooooo, but better. in the end, i had to have a ceasarian, but still, i think i would have been up for it after all. and if you feel to weak, tell them you want a ceasarian. honestly, after a hg pregnancy we have done our share!and i know it doesn’t help a lot that you know it will pass. my daughter is 5 months now, and i can’t imagine to go through this once again. but i know, and so do you, that the reward for this suffering is wonderful. if you need support from an hg sufferer in germany, feel free to contact me.i so hope you feel better soon!
all the best
penny
Dear Christina,
I don’t know how comfortable you are with the German language, but I wnated to let you know about the forum of the website http://www.hyperemesis.de; lots of nice women there with the same story who offer tips and consolation. Also, a lot of them use Agyrax which they order from Belgium (the drug in that is Meclozin); it didn’t help me, but a lot of others and it doesn’t make as drowsy, apparently. For medication during pregnancy, there’s a good site ( government-related) called www. embryotox.de, they also have a hotline and offer great advice, very friendly too. Got to go, te little one is crying,
wishing you all the best
penny
hallo Christina,
sorry to hear you are struggling
have you tried Acupuncture already? I stayed in Munich up to being 34 weeks pregnant and was going to the midwives center, http://www.hebammenpraxis-meinbaby.de/ 3 times a week:). They do apply acupuncture against nausea (and other things), in my case it helped quite good. Unfortunately I am new to Regensburg and can not really tell where to go here, but maybe you talk to your doctor?
irina
Thanks everyone for your support and advice. I really appreciate it.
@irina: I have tried through my doctor and it didn’t help. I would bet that the Hebammen at St. Hedwig’s Krankenhaus could do acupuncture for nausea, I know they do it for many other reasons and have friends who have had it done there and were quite happy.