I wrote previously about breastfeeding my first child after having had breast reduction surgery as a teenager.  We successfully breastfed for 27 months, until I stopped producing milk due to hyperemesis during my second pregnancy.  Because I had to pump and supplement during the first six months of Oliver’s life, until he started eating solids and I didn’t need to supplement anymore, I was prepared to have to do the same with my second son, Leo.  If my milk hadn’t dried up, and Oliver had wanted to continue nursing, I had planned to tandem nurse.  Pumping to increase my supply in the beginning with Oliver was such a pain. I knew toddlers are much better at increasing supply than a breast pump, but that didn’t work out due to my illness.

I ordered the herbal supplements to increase milk supply that I had used previously, Shatavari capsules from Ayurceutics and Motherlove More Milk Special Blend, and I brought them with me to the hospital when I went in to labor.  As soon as I was back in my room after the birth, I started taking the supplements.

Breastfeeding didn’t get off to the best start, because Leo was on the newborn station and wasn’t released to me until 3 days after the birth.  I went up from my room in the maternity ward every few hours to try and nurse, but he wasn’t interested in latching on.  I pumped colostrum for him which the nurses managed to get in to him with a dropper, but I was very disheartened at the time.  He had already lost 10% of his birth weight.

When he was released and came to join me in my room, he latched on immediately and I didn’t have to pump again.  By the time we left the hospital, he had gained some weight, and when the midwife came to check on him a few days later, he was growing well.

I haven’t had to supplement at all and he wasn’t interested in solids at all until shortly before turning six months old.

It was a great feeling to be able to provide everything Leo needed this time around.  If I have another child, I think I may even try it without the herbal supplements in the beginning to see if I can do it completely on my own.  Each pregnancy builds your ability to produce milk, as does extended breastfeeding.

For more information about breastfeeding after reduction (BFAR), I strongly recommend picking up a copy of Defining your Own Success: Breastfeeding After Breast Reduction Surgery and visiting BFAR.org.

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My New Years Resolution this year was to get back to blogging, on all my blogs.  So far, this hasn’t worked out great, Leo is crawling and during the hour nap that he takes in the morning while Oliver is in preschool, I often try to do things like shower, do laundry, wash dishes, or just catch up on reading articles on the internet.  It was while doing the latter that I came across two articles that point straight to the reason that this blog ground to a halt earlier this year.

I started this blog because I had parenting issues I wanted to write about that didn’t fit in with the theme of my expat blog.  Along that line, I realized that what I wanted to do most was to build a community where parents from around the world could share their experiences, good and bad, in a supportive environment.  I wanted to bring parents together.

The Problem

As I read more and more parenting sites, I saw that most of the popular sites aim to divide us and I became quite jaded towards the idea of parenting blogs.  As we see in the news media, extremism gets more ratings than moderation.  But we do it to ourselves as well.

The two recent, “in the news” articles that affected me, are the introductory post of Mayim Bialik (the actress who portrayed “Blossom” and now has a PhD in neuroscience and practices Attachment Parenting) on the TODAYMoms blog and the article in the New York Times by Amy Chua, a professor at Yale Law School, Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.

It’s not necessarily what was written, but the comments, which I found so disappointing.  So many commenters full of vitriol and personal attacks against the author and other parents.  As the child of a Tiger Mom and as an AP parent, I’d like to comment on both these articles.

My Parents

My mother was a very critical, typical Asian “Tiger mom,” and expected only the best.  If I came home with a 96, I could expect to be asked why it wasn’t a 100.  My father, however, was a typical American dad.  To be honest, my feelings now are that my mother was too strict and my father was too lax.  I love them both, but that’s how I saw it.

In high school, I completely rebelled against my mother’s strictness, and my father allowed me to do whatever I wanted.  Even as a grad student, my mom wanted me home by 10pm, while my dad would allow me to stay out all night.  I turned out okay in the end, my brothers and I all turned out well-adjusted and successful, despite having a Tiger mom and an American dad (the “despite” was a joke).

My Own Parenting Choices

I’ve chosen to be an AP mom.  Actually, I chose to follow my instincts.  I didn’t know a lot of parents when I had my first child, so I didn’t have any idea what to do.  I just did what felt right.  Six months in to parenting, someone mentioned to me that what I was doing was called Attachment Parenting.  I looked it up and thought, yes, this is exactly right.  Here are some thoughts about what I read said about the AP lifestyle in the comments to the TODAYMoms blogpost:

We co-sleep. My husband and I and our two kids.  Oliver sleeps in a toddler bed pushed up against our queen sized bed, we’ve got a bed rail on the other side, and follow safe co-sleeping practices.  For critics who wonder how a marriage can function if kids are in the marriage bed, there are plenty of other places to enjoy a marriage outside of the bed.  It’s pretty exciting to brainstorm how and where you want to do it next.

We extended breastfeed.

In public.  Breastfeeding in public isn’t the same as urinating or defecating, it is feeding a child.  Eating in public is perfectly legal.  I might not want to see everyone out there eating in public, depending on their table manners, but generally I manage to ignore what other people are doing at their tables.

Another point made, is that it is for the mom and not for the child.  You cannot make a child breastfeed, especially when they have teeth.  If a child doesn’t want to nurse, the child will bite and no mom wants that.

Finally, there was criticism that many parents can’t do everything that goes with being AP.  That’s not what AP is about.  AP is mainly about taking biology into account.  Our children are biologically wired a certain way, they are still the same, biologically, as a child born 10,000 years ago.  It was best then for a child to be upset to be away from it’s mother.

Now, we are no longer hunter-gatherers, we live in a modern society and can’t raise our children exactly the same, but we can take the biological needs of our children into account and try to fit them into our lives as best we can.  AP means listening to your instincts about what is right for your family.  If the family can’t sleep all together because the kids or the parents are light sleepers, or you prefer to have sex in your bed with the kids tucked safely away in their own rooms, then it’s okay not to cosleep.  If you can’t breastfeed because of health or mental or any other problems, it’s okay.  Formula is not as good as breast milk, but it is acceptable.  It is not poison.  I was raised on it and so were most of the kids of my generation.  I can’t carry my kids as much as I’d like because of back problems.  That’s okay.  You do what you can.

In the end, I know a lot of families and a lot of children.  I don’t know a single family who parents exactly the same as any other family, and all the children I know are turning out fine.

What are your thoughts on parenting?

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I thought for my 26-week pregnancy update, I’d tell the story of how, because of hyperemesis gravidarum, Oliver and I ended our breastfeeding relationship.

While much of the first six months of breastfeeding Oliver was spent trying to make it week to week, I always had the WHO guideline of breastfeeding for at least two years as a goal in the back of my mind.  When he turned two in July of 2009, neither of us were ready to quit.  Oliver was still quite dependent on breastfeeding for comfort, and I was happy to continue.

When I got pregnant again in September of 2009, breastfeeding started to become uncomfortable as my nipples got more and more sensitive.  Oliver was still nursing frequently, so I kept going, keeping in mind the difficulty I had getting my supply going in the beginning with Oliver because of his sleepiness and BFAR (breastfeeding after reduction surgery).  I knew that if I had trouble with breastfeeding this baby, I wouldn’t have to spend hours a day pumping to get my supply up if I had a toddler, a nursing toddler is way more efficient at increasing supply than any pump.

Unfortunately, first trimester morning sickness progressed to hyperemesis gravidarum (excessive nausea and vomiting) and I cut back a lot on breastfeeding sessions as I became fatigued by my lack of nutrition.  By the end of October, my supply was gone.  I wasn’t getting enough calories to produce milk anymore.

I don’t remember when our last nursing session was.  I was too exhausted to notice.  Oliver took well to weaning.  If he asked, I told him I didn’t feel well enough, but he didn’t really ask a lot.  Since then he has only asked once or twice, when he was sick and feverish.  He said, “Booby?” and I said, “No honey, I’m sorry,” and that was that.  There was no disappointment on his part, just acceptance.  I was a little surprised by the ease of weaning, given how dependent on breastfeeding he had seemed.

I don’t really have any feelings on weaning.  There was nothing I could do about it.  I guess I wish I remembered that last time, but I know a lot of moms don’t remember the last breastfeeding session.

We cuddle a lot, as much as when we were breastfeeding.  His favorite place to sit is in my lap, we’ll have to see how that goes as my lap gets smaller and smaller.

Apart from that, not much has changed in my condition.  I’m still tired and nauseous almost all the time.  I’ve been trying to do more recently, and that has caused me to vomit more than I had been over the last couple of weeks.  I’m trying to stay positive, but mood swings sometimes get the best of me.

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I am a huge fan of Victoria’s Secrets Soft & Sexy Wrap.  It’s not marketed for maternity and nursing wear, but that’s what so special about it.  It’s a good wardrobe investment that you can wear for years to come.  I’m 17 weeks pregnant and it fits great and is cute, I expect I can continue wearing throughout spring and it’ll make a great nursing cover-up in the fall and winter.  Isabella Oliver Maternity carries a similar style in ivory and black that is on sale now for $122, and is not as versatile in the ways it can be tied because the sweater fabric is thicker.  The Victoria’s Secret version comes in 11 different colors (I’m wearing it in Coral Madness right now and love it!) and can be tied in many different ways.  Even better?  It’s on sale right now for $39 and Victoria’s Secret ships worldwide.  Take a look:

The above twist-front tie back style I think could work well during nursing.  Just put a nursing cami or tank top underneath and the part covering the breast can be lifted up to create a nursing opening while your tummy stays covered by the wrapped part.

What do you think of the Soft & Sexy Wrap?  Do you have any tips for non-maternity/nursing clothing that is versatile enough to work during pregnancy and/or nursing?

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I figure I’m a little unusual in the modern, western world.  At 25 months, my son Oliver is still breastfeeding, and last weekend was our first extended separation since his birth.

I’ve left Oliver for a few hours before, even for almost a full day, but he’s never spent a night without me.  I was a little worried how the weekend would go.  Was my husband going to be up two nights in a row with our inconsolable son? But I was only going to be an hour and a half away and I really wanted to go to the expat bloggers in Germany meetup that was taking place in Munich.  A Macedonian friend, who tells me that extended breastfeeding is common and never went out of fashion in her homeland, warned us that my husband was going to have a couple of very rough nights.  I thought, at the very worst, he could pack up the car and join me in Munich.

I left Friday morning and the day went well.  Rainer complained a little that he was always having to get Oliver little snacks or drinks throughout the day.  My aunt had also mentioned during her visit that whenever I went to sit down, I was having to get up again to go to the kitchen for something.  “Welcome to my world!” I said.

Oliver took to calling my husband, “Mama,” so apparently “Mama” is just the name for whoever he determines is the primary caretaker!  (He does call me “Nina” when I don’t answer to “Mama,” so he understands that that isn’t my name.)  Falling asleep went without a hitch, although Rainer thinks he may have fallen asleep before Oliver.  Oliver woke once during the night, got up and looked in all the rooms, then lay down in the hallway crying.  Rainer picked him up and took him back to bed and he went right back to sleep.

My husband is the less enthusiastic of us about cosleeping (he does still like it though), and usually wants me to get Oliver to sleep in his own bed, which is next to ours.  Oliver loves his bed and is quite happy to sleep there, but Rainer had Oliver sleep together with him in the big bed while I was gone.  I was a little surprised by this, and am starting to think Rainer may just be a closet cosleeper who doesn’t want to admit to how much he likes it.

The rest of the weekend went similarly, the next night, the same thing happened.  Oliver woke once, went looking for me, cried, then went to sleep again.  We talked 3–4 times a day on the phone and he was happy to hear from me, saying only, “Mama… mama” on the phone, but he didn’t cry at all.

In our last breastfeeding session before I left, I really concentrated on remembering everything about the moment.  I knew there was a chance that this could be the last time Oliver breastfed.  I was sad and realized that even though I occasionally get annoyed with his still very frequent breastfeeding, I wasn’t really ready to give it up yet. I figured on my return, I wouldn’t offer, but I wouldn’t deny.  I’d just see what Oliver wanted to do.

During the trip, my breasts didn’t feel sore at all until Saturday night, or about 20 hours after breastfeeding.  I hand-expressed into one of the hotel glasses and poured the milk down the sink.

I arrived home on Sunday afternoon and found I didn’t need to worry about weaning.  As soon as I sat down, Oliver climbed into my lap and lifted my shirt.  He spent much of the rest of the day on the breast.  I was glad to find that he wasn’t ready to wean either.

How was your first extended time away from your child?  Did it go how you expected?  Or have you chosen not to separate?

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Originally published on A Piece of My Mind.

I mentioned yesterday that I use hand expression at times. I first learned how to do this when I wanted to increase my supply because I found out that breast compressions/massage coupled with my pump could increase output. I noticed a significant difference between when I did massage and when I didn’t (to the tune of two or more ounces per breast).

There are two well known techniques for hand expression– Marmet and Stanford. The primary difference between the two is hand placement. I found the Stanford technique to be the one that worked the best for me, but I have used both at various times.

One nice thing about knowing how to hand express was that even if I was without my pump, I could relieve pressure. Certainly I would be sad to see it go to waste (liquid gold people!), but there is only so much misery one can take!

When I started nursing less and traveling more (basically June 2009), I stopped packing my pump. The first time I had to relieve pressure. The second time, I did not feel anything. This time, I also have not expressed any milk other than one night to see if there was any there!

Another use for hand expression is prior to a woman’s milk coming in, if she is having trouble getting her baby to latch, she could express in to a spoon and feed the colostrum to the baby! I find that amazing by the way!

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Originally posted on A Piece of My Mind.

Pumping. I am not sure why I have not really blogged about pumping. Obviously I did pump and hand express (tomorrow’s topic) or I would not have made it through over two years of nursing while working outside the home with The Boy in daycare. I think pumping might be the most asked about topic in my email in regard to breastfeeding and breastmilk, so I am going to try to post a bit more on the topic based on my experiences. If you have a specific question, leave a comment or send me an email (through my profile).

Equipment
A pump. I used the Medela Pump-in-Style Advance (PISA). I actually purchased the backpack version from a local hospital, because it was the pump my aunt used and I could get service/parts in Germany (where The Boy was born). The PISA is dual phase to more closely mimic a baby’s nursing pattern, but there are alternative pumps available that do the same. It is important to check that the flanges for your pump are the right size for your breasts. Medela has a sizing guide on their website, but for the most part, you want your nipple and part of your areola to enter the flange. If your entire breast is being sucked in, the flange is too large. If only the nipple is being pulled in, your flange is too small.

Um, yeah. That’s the equipment. Other optional equipment includes extra bottles, a little cooler with ice pack, extra flanges, and a hands-free bra or kit. None of these items is required and many come with the pump, depending on which pump you purchase.

My #1 tip
RELAX! If you do not relax, you will probably struggle. I could tell the difference between when I truly relaxed and when I just went to pump because I had to. I am not talking about an ounce of difference. For me, it was up to four ounces of difference!

How did I relax?
Truthfully, it was hard to do at times. There were people in and out of the sitting room portion of the lockerroom. I pumped in a convention center sitting room just outside a restroom where tons of people walked through all day. These are not easy relaxing situations! None the less, some things that did work for me include listening to relaxing music (thank you ipod), sit in silence and focus on The Boy, visualize the milk flowing out of me (do not laugh!), look at pictures of The Boy, and deep breathing exercises.

When to Pump
When I first had The Boy I had no clue and had to ask a friend this very question! What I found out in time, through trial and error and some research on the side was that pumping in the early morning is most productive due to the hormones in the body. Early on, I was not that dedicated. I would pump for ten minutes after the morning feed where I was willing to get out of bed. Also, any time I wanted to leave the house alone, I would nurse The Boy so he’d finish approximately twenty minutes before I needed to leave, pump for ten minutes, and then dash out the door. OK. I cleaned my pump first.

Once I went back to work, I nurse The Boy prior or at drop-off, pump three times (10, 12, 2) and then nurse immediately at pickup. In the end, he reverse-cycled and I had excess milk from pumping, which allowed me to stop pumping earlier than I might have (or maybe not…I developed a love-hate relationship with my pump around 13 months) and still give The Boy breastmilk instead of cow’s milk.

Trips away from home– now that’s an entirely different post! Oh the places I have pumped…and at STRANGE hours too!

Different people have different schedules, however, and it might take you a while to find what works best for you. Experiment and don’t get discouraged!

Something to Remember
Your baby is far more efficient than a pump at removing your milk– in part due to his structural make up and in part due to how you relax to nurse him– so don’t be discouraged if the first few times you only get an ounce or less.

A Word or Fifty to the Wise
Unless you absolutely have no milk stored and must have a bottle in a certain amount of time, do NOT pump after each and every session. This will increase your supply and lead to oversupply issues. Trust me. You do not want to go there!

A couple of Additional Resources
Dr. Jack Newman on Kellymom Re: Expressing Milk
Video on Pumping from About.com (I do not agree with everything the lady says, but the proper placement and positioning of the pump is helpful!

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When I was 15 years old, breastfeeding was the furthest thing from my mind, I just wanted smaller breasts.  I went from a 44E to a 38B (yes, clearly I was in the wrong band size pre-surgery.  I didn’t know about special ordering bras, so I was just in the biggest I could get at the local department store.  If my band size was really a 38, I must have actually been a 38H).  When I got pregnant, I did the research and knew I wanted to try breastfeeding.  The first few months were a struggle, I had to take supplements, pump, and give my son extra formula feedings, but I eventually found my stride.  At 19 months, it was pretty smooth sailing and we were both loving breastfeeding, so has anything changed?

Not significantly.  The last couple months, I have started wondering about weaning.  Oliver still breastfeeds similarly to how he did at 19 months.  If we’re out and about, he doesn’t usually ask, but if we’re home, he wants the booby every 1–2 hours.  Actually, if we’re out and I sit down, he often wants the breast too.  I’ve started trying to deter him, like when we were at the bank opening a savings account for him, this just didn’t feel like an appropriate time.  Sometimes he’s okay with this and just goes on to something else, and sometimes he throws a temper tantrum if he can’t have the booby right then and there.

I don’t think weaning will be happening any time soon, at least from his side.  He can be demanding, which makes me wonder if I should just wean, but I’m not sure if life would really be easier if he didn’t breastfeed.  He wouldn’t have that outlet for comfort and stress relief.  Sure, he’d find other outlets, but I might be dealing with more temper tantrums too, not something I really want to replace breastfeeding with.  I also don’t want to damage his trust in me by forcing weaning on him.  Sometimes I’m shocked by just how much he trusts me.  He jumps off walls and into pools, completely trusting that I’ll catch him.  While not uncommon, I’ve seen kids that don’t trust their parents enough to do these things (it could just be a personality thing too).  I don’t want to do anything that could lesson his trust in me, I’m honored by it.

Oliver also doesn’t sleep through the night without feeding yet, and instead of decreasing, his frequency of waking has seemed to increase lately.  If I’m at the computer working, I can expect 2–3 visits from him after his bedtime and before I even get into bed.  We’ll be spending our first night apart in three weeks, two nights in fact, when I go to a blogger meetup in Munich for the weekend.  I have no idea how this is going to go over.  Maybe he’ll be fine with me gone and just accept the fact that there’s no booby.  Or maybe he’ll be inconsolable (I really hope not, for everyone’s sake).  Perhaps this pressure I’m putting on him not to breastfeed sometimes is the reason for his increased night frequency.  Maybe it’s making him a little insecure.

Still, I’m pretty happy with breastfeeding, and feel the benefits outweigh the costs at this point.  But I’ve reached my goal of two years, now we’re just taking things one day at a time.

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Before we left for Milan, I was a bit anxious about nursing a toddler on the flights and abroad.  I was used to how nursing a two year old was seen in my every day life– primarily in Tulsa and Minnesota. I have a great support system and know The Boy’s rights well. Going to a new country though? For some reason I was a bit anxious about that.

Like many things in my time as a parent, I was worried for no reason. Not once did I notice anyone giving me a strange look. Not once did anyone mention to me that I should not nurse my toddler. For that matter, I received nothing but support from those around me. I am not sure if it is because a nursing toddler is quiet on a long journey or if they simply did not care one way or the other, but the flights were without incident, and so was our time in Italy.

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While checking out the massive discounts over at Victoria’s Secret right now (It seems sexy lingerie isn’t in high demand during a recession), I noticed a category “Nursing.”  I clicked it and low and behold, there were two nursing bras:

VS piped, full-coverage, underwire, nursing bra (available in nude and black, both with white trim)

VS nursing plunge bra (available in buff, white and black)

I’m a little disappointed in the styles offered.  I wish they had something a little sexier.  Or a lightly padded bra to help hide nursing pads.  But the contrast piping on the underwire bra is cute and the plunge bra does look a little sexier than my Medela Comfort nursing bras.

Has anyone tried the Victoria’s Secret nursing bras?  What do you think?

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