I had thought I was improving. I’ve thrown up a couple of times since my last update (when I had gone almost a month without vomiting), but I have been doing a lot more recently.  I had thought that my increased activity meant I was doing better, but I went back and reread all my postings on living with hyperemesis gravidarum (excessive nausea and vomiting in pregnancy), and found that I’ve been steadily increasing my dosage of anti-nausea medicine when I had thought I was taking the same amount now as I was back in January.

Now I think my body has just adjusted to the side effect of fatigue that I, at first, had with dimenhydrinate (aka Dramamine), allowing me to take enough to be somewhat active.  In January, I wrote that I was taking 2-3 50mg tablets a day.  Now I’m taking 5-6 on good days, up to 8 a day on bad days.

I can generally manage doing stuff like going shopping, or maybe some light housework or gardening every other day, with a day of rest needed in between to recuperate.  I’m managing to cook most of the time, so I’m off my steady diet of ready-to-make meals (thank goodness!), but I still can’t drive more than a mile or so and get really motion sick in cars (despite 5-6 Dramamine a day!).

The baby continues to be very large.  I was a large baby, so the docs think it’s just genetic (I was born at 36 weeks and was 8lbs, 4oz).  They’re planning to induce me at 37 weeks because the baby is so big (it’s estimated at 8 lbs right now).  I’m really looking forward to an end to the nausea and fatigue and motion sickness.  I can’t wait to have my freedom and mobility back (something I think most new moms aren’t thinking when it comes to giving birth, but that’s HG for you).  I’m looking forward to not being dependent on others pretty much all the time and being able to get back to being myself.  So, unless the doctors change their minds, I’ve only got 3.5 weeks to go.  The end is in sight.  Phew!

You may also be interested in reading:

• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 23 Update (11)
• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 29 Update (3)
• Leo’s Birth Story (7)
• Waiting for the Birth (6)

I haven’t thrown up in 24 days!

In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, I have been suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum this pregnancy (I didn’t have it with my first), which causes excessive nausea and vomiting.

I had thought that a lot of the fatigue I felt must be caused by lack of nutrition, but it’s apparently a separate symptom entirely, because I still am pretty tired all the time and don’t have a lot of energy or endurance.  I also still have plenty of nausea and dry heave regularly.  I’ve tried seeing if I can cut down on the amount of anti-nausea medicine I’m taking, but I haven’t been able to lower my dosage at all.  The motion sickness is still there, and I still wouldn’t trust myself to drive further than my local supermarket (which is walking distance, but would be a long walk, okay well, not walking distance for me right now, but when I was healthy).

Following the drastic 20 pound weight loss of the first trimester, I’m now gaining weight and am currently 16 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.  I think my body must be in post-famine mode, because I am always hungry.  I can eat a huge meal and an hour later I’m hungry again.  I’m craving fatty, high calorie foods, and I was pretty shocked to find out that between my doctor’s visit this morning and the visit two weeks ago, I actually lost 2 pounds, because I feel like I should have gained at least 5!

The baby is huge.  I know ultrasound measurements aren’t super accurate, but the average fetus is 2.5 pounds (1.13 kg) at 29 weeks and this baby is being estimated at 5.5 pounds (2.5 kg).  It’s measuring overall at 34-35 weeks.  I’m being monitored for gestational diabetes, but my pre- and post-eating blood sugar levels have been fine over the whole pregnancy, as has my blood pressure (averaging 90/60) and my hemoglobin A1c test (plasma glucose concentration over 3 months), which turned out well within normal levels.  The levels of amniotic fluid are good too, another indicator against gestational diabetes.  My doctor says she’s not worried because the baby is big overall, not just carrying a lot of extra weight in the abdomen.  Maybe this means he’ll be born a few weeks early?  I can hope, right?  (Just in case you wonder if the estimate of ovulation is off, I was using an ovulation monitor when we conceived and know the exact date of ovulation, plus early ultrasounds all matched with that date).

I’m finally feeling like the end is in sight, and that, along with the coming of spring, has lifted my spirits considerably.  I still spend a lot of time in bed, but at least I’m not all that miserable anymore.

You may also be interested in reading:

• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 23 Update (11)
• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 33 Update (2)
• Waiting for the Birth (6)
• Leo’s Birth Story (7)

Yesterday, I hit 23 weeks pregnant.  Just over halfway.  For most of that 23 weeks, I’ve been suffering from the excessive nausea and vomiting that goes along with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, or HG. It doesn’t feel possible that I’m only half way through.  It feels like this pregnancy has lasted forever.  This has easily been the longest five months of my life.

Luckily, the vomiting I described in my first post about living with HG has lessened quite a bit.  I’m not sure if it’s lessened on its own or if I just have it under control now with medication.  In the first trimester, the of nausea and vomiting of HG caused me to lose 20 pounds. While at home with my family for the first half of the second trimester (first six weeks), I managed to gain 29 pounds, but my weight has been constant over the 3 weeks since returning to Germany.  Being surrounded by family to help out and having a mom cooking for you all the time helps a lot with weight gain.

I’m still taking the antiemetic dimenhydrinate, the active ingredient in Dramamine. I take about 100-150mg (the equivalent of 2-3 Dramamine a day, 2 is a good day), which is down quite a bit from the 400mg I was taking at the worst of the nausea. While I’m vomiting less (maybe once a week), I’m still dealing with excessive nausea and exhaustion, pushing myself physically usually ends in tears and 5-10 minutes of dry heaving.

This inability to push myself physically has me worried how I will handle the birth.  I guess women have had babies after months of bed rest before, so I’ll manage to do what I have to do, but it worries me a lot that I’m not going in to this as prepared as I should be.  One flight of stairs is hard, two flights of stairs is my limit, any more than that and the tears start flowing.  On flat surfaces, I can usually manage 15-30 minutes of walking, depending on how slowly I go.  I know this is far from ideal shape to be in prior to giving birth.  But I guess I have four months to go still, maybe things will get better.

I forgot to mention in the last post, one of the symptoms that often goes hand in hand with the excessive nausea of HG, extreme motion sickness.  Car rides require doping up with anti-nausea medicine, making it impossible for me to drive any sort of distance.  I can make it to my local supermarket, and that’s as far as I would trust myself to go.  When I was in the US, I couldn’t make it to the nearest outlet mall on the first try (this was just before my husband left at the beginning of January).  We stopped halfway, went to a regular mall, where I spent most of the time sitting in the food court, then headed home.  I did manage to make it there with my brother shortly before returning to Germany.  Depending on people to drive you anywhere is frustrating.

The motion sickness even occurs with television and movies.  I went to see “It’s Complicated” in the US and had to close my eyes for much of the last 20 minutes because I wasn’t feeling well.  I didn’t go anywhere near “Avatar,” I figured that would not go well.  Any television show with quick cuts or a lot of motion is off limits as well.

I’m still struggling with feeling socially isolated as well.  At home I was surrounded by family, with my mother and brother even calling from work every day just to check if I was okay or needed anything.  It’s very lonely in Germany where friends have their own lives, families to care for, and problems to deal with.

I try to put on a brave face to the world, but sometimes I wonder if this is the best thing for me to do.  Maybe the brave face makes people think that everything’s hunky dory, when in fact I’m usually just barely hanging on.  Asking for help is maybe one of the hardest things for someone in need to do.  I don’t want to bother anyone, but sometimes even just an occasional phone call to chitchat or gossip would mean the world.

Facebook has been both a Godsend and a torture device. I can communicate with friends around the world and see what everyone is up to on there, making me feel like I’m still in the loop, still a part of the world, but seeing what everyone is up to is a problem as well.  I see that my friends are meeting up at a café, getting together for playdates, or just referring to a fun night spent hanging out, and I throw myself a little pity party because HG has made so I’m not up to joining in the fun. 

I don’t really know what else to say.  I want to post something uplifting, for others going through my situation, but I just don’t feel it in my heart.  HG is hard.  The hardest thing I’ve ever been through.  I know when I see my baby that I’ll feel it was all worth it, that these months were just a small fraction of my life, years from now I will probably barely remember this time, but it’s hard to feel that now.

I just keep in mind that there are a lot of other women in my same situation. We’re not alone.  And at the end of this, we’ll have something beautiful.  There are a lot worse things that people go through than this, and we should try to keep that in mind.

If you’re suffering from HG, hang in there, and check out Hyperemesis Education and Research website.

You may also be interested in reading:

• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 33 Update (2)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 29 Update (3)
• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)
• Leo’s Birth Story (7)
• Waiting for the Birth (6)

I’m currently in my 16th week of my second pregnancy.  With my first child, I was nauseous during the first trimester, but hadn’t thrown up at all.  I wasn’t surprised to find a few weeks in that I was getting nauseous this time around.  I wasn’t even surprised the first few times I threw up, about 8 weeks along.  I figured every pregnancy is different and this time my morning sickness was a little worse (not to mention it was usually dinner I was throwing up, so I liked to refer to it as “evening” sickness).

By week 10, I was throwing up pretty much every lunch and had stopped eating dinner.  I was trying all the home remedies against nausea I could find.  I made a super strong ginger syrup for making homemade ginger ale.  I tried meditation, blackberry juice, yoga, cumin seeds, peppermint tea, chamomile tea, pressure point therapy, apple cider vinegar, rice water.  Nothing helped.

Within a few days, I was throwing everything up.  Previously, I could at least count on keeping breakfast down, but that time was over.  I was even throwing up black tea and mineral water.  I was getting weaker and weaker, and soon I couldn’t leave the house except to visit the doctor and split my time between the bed and sofa.  I relied on the television to babysit my two year old.  I just didn’t have the energy to care for him.  He got microwave lunches and lots of educational videos.

My husband would take off half or full days whenever he could, and the neighbors would take my son Oliver whenever they could, but it was tough being an expat and living so far from family.  It was lonely being stuck in the house, not having contact with friends, and I struggled with depression and homesickness.

My doctor suggested I check into the hospital for a few days, but I hate hospitals and couldn’t bring myself to consider it yet.  She prescribed dimenhydrinate suppositories (the active ingredient in Dramamine), they helped me keep down food better, but I had problems with the side effects.  The doctor switched me to Nausema, a high dose tablet of vitamins B6, B1 and B12.  It didn’t have any side effects, but was also hardly effective.

Things got worse and worse.  I was losing about 3 pounds a week.  A pound is 3,500 calories, so if you think about it, I was undereating by over 10,000 calories a week.  I was looking towards the end of the first trimester as an endpoint, things would get better then, and I had planned a trip to go home to my family in the states at week 13 of my pregnancy.  I thought that things had to improve soon.

Then I discovered the H.E.R. Foundation website (Hyperemesis Education & Research).  It confirmed what I suspected, that common nausea remedies don’t generally work for HG (Hyperemesis Gravidarum - excessive nausea in pregnancy).  It also said that HG usually doesn’t stop at the end of the first trimester, it usually lasts into week 20 and can last the entire pregnancy.  I decided to check into the hospital.  Before going in, at week 12, I was 18 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight.

This was the first time I’d been in the hospital that it felt good to be there.  I’ve lost my hatred of being hospitalized.  I was on an IV drip with dimenhydrinate and electrolytes.  I still felt lousy the first 2 days in, but by he third day I was feeling a little better, although I still threw up several times during my stay.  I was in for 4 days, until the day before flying to the US.  The doctors at the hospital didn’t really want to let me out, I think the doctors would have kept me there for weeks if I didn’t insist.  I lost 2 more pound while I was in hospital.

I requested dimenhydrinate capsules for the trip, the only side effect of the capsules was that I’d get tired, avoiding the problems I had with the suppositories (you don’t want to know about those, but if you use your imagination, I’m sure you could figure out what might have been the problem).  I was prescribed the equivalent of 8 Dramamine a day.  If anyone has taken 1 or even 2 Dramamine for motion sickness, you know how even that small a dosage can knock you out.

The trip to the US was torturous.  I was in tears by the time we made it to the gate of our second plane in Amsterdam.  I threw up during the transatlantic flight, despite massive doses of anti-nausea medicine.  But things have been improving in the US.  I’m surrounded by family, who help with my son and let me get all the rest that I need.  I’ve managed to gain back 8 pounds in the half month I’ve been home, although the calories haven’t been the most healthy.  I find myself mostly craving comfort foods, like hamburgers, ribs, Reese’s cereal, and Baskin Robbins ice cream.  I’m not worrying too much about eating right anymore.  I’m still nauseous, although I’m throwing up much less frequently.  I just eat whatever I have desire to eat.  Some days I’ll look at an apple and think “Yum!” sometimes I think “NO!!!”  I don’t force the issue.  Whatever looks appetizing goes.

Because of the dosage of medication, I spend most of my time sleeping, or zoning out on the couch.  I’ve managed to leave the house twice since arriving.  I went to the supermarket on Christmas Eve, and that was fine, although it took me 3 days to recover.  Yesterday I went to Target to try on some maternity clothes (I got a really cute dress), but it was too much and I ended up making two rushed, extremely uncomfortable trips to the restroom, which was full of moms and kids, and was just not a place I would ever want to be sick in again.

I’m waiting desperately for the nausea to ease up.  I try avoiding doses when I can, just because I feel more with it when I’m not on the medicine, but I also know I need to keep eating and I need to break the nausea cycle.

I have a few good days in between the bad.  The first few days after a good day are the worst.  The good day makes you think things are getting better, then it all comes crashing back.  The day or two after a good day, I often find myself in tears at the slightest provocation.

My husband and I canceled our vacation next week in New York.  My husband goes back to Germany on the 7th and my brother goes back to work after New Years.  I’m a little nervous about how the month of January here is going to go.  I wasn’t expecting to still be ill.  If I’m not better, I don’t know how I can manage the flight back alone with my 2 year old at the end of January.  I just hope I’m one of the women who feels better by week 20.

For more information on HG, I recommend the HER Foundation website.  If you have a friend or family member suffering from HG, there is a great section on what you can do to help them.

You may also be interested in reading:

• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 33 Update (2)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 23 Update (11)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 29 Update (3)
• Waiting for the Birth (6)
• Leo’s Birth Story (7)